Work has literally sucked all of my motivation from me. My days now persist of refreshing Google Chrome on various websites in to hope of discovering something new; a pointless update from someone, a link relating to some stupid news report that makes you question humanity or even some sort of interesting photo that makes you go “hmm” for all of half a second before the boredom slowly takes over. That boredom has now become laziness.
Imagine a giant swimming pool full of gunge. There is a small hole at the bottom. The gunge is too thick to flow consistently but seeps slowly and slowly into an abyss of blackness beneath the foundation of the swimming pool. That’s my brain. That’s the information and the IQ I once had. I watch in 3rd person, watching this information being sucked from me like a disease and I ponder, I don’t even move, or blink, I just let it go. I’m not even bothered anymore.
My boredom once become motivation to do something better, something more challenging but that consist excuse of “recession” kept pushing me back like a bad nightmare, when you try to run but you can’t. I can see my future a head of me but the communication between my brain and my nervous system will not engage. So I refuse to go forward. Again I watch myself in 3rd person at this idiot trying to achieve all he can achieve yet this wall of boredom and laziness appears in front of me and refuses me to pass.
Suddenly this wall is now a cube, but with 5 sides. The floor is missing. I fall onto my sofa and turn the channel over to some pathetic excuse for television or entertainment. But it’s too late; I’ve already been sucked in. The process of lifting my arm and dispersing energy into pressing the + sign on the channel option is harder than it looks. There is no energy. There’s nothing. So I lay there staring at a moving image of this electrical box like someone has stapled my eyes open. I hear the TV but my brain is too melted to register what is going on. The image turns to colourful blobs, the blobs move slowly, the pace is hypnotising.
Boredom has once again defeated motivation.
Sleep, awake, repeat. Sleep, awake, repeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
So good, Eric.
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- elliotholbrow said: start writing!
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- whats-in-the-box said: At least you have access to tumblr, which is not the case where I used to work :)
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- coffee-angel said: maybe all you need is love
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- ruskidd said: great words man, i hear you
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- jebasharingan said: Wooooooooow… I definitely understand that! May be time to move on..
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